I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
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