I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Randomize
