Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
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