my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
people are starting to question the shark bite story
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Randomize
