please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
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