I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Randomize
