That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
