It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
