I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
