Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
