You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Randomize