what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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