Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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