you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
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