Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
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