Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
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