I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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