What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
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