God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Randomize