new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Randomize
