I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Randomize
