he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
