My sheets look like a crime scene.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize