Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
