She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
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