i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Randomize
