I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
