He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
i believe in u and ur pee
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize
