i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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