Kiss
Puke
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
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