i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Randomize
