found the other keg... it's in the tree
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
