stop calling my apartment porn island.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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