My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize