How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
