there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Randomize
