look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize