Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Randomize
