Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Randomize
