Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
I just gift wrapped bread.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Randomize
