tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
