I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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