I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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