My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Randomize
