apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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