The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
