You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
