Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize
