Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
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