we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
