On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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