Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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