i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Randomize
