I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize