Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
