he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
