and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
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