mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
