First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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