someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
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