dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
