Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
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