thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
