I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
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