I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Randomize
