it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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