look no pants
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Randomize
