Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
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