listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
