Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Randomize
