last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
