idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
