you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
