I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Randomize
