well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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