And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Randomize
