how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
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