I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
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