I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
