I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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