Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
Randomize
