yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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