You just made me feel so damn special
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
Randomize
