I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Randomize